FLIRTING: Is it EMOTIONAL CHEATING? Is it straight up cheating?
Well, amigos, read this... because there are times when it is... And here's a look at what happens, when it happens... and how it happens.
You’re getting emotional fulfillment from flirting
When we think about flirting, we think about engaging in a teasing relationship which can hint at sexual connection but never crosses the line into sexual engagement. That being said, flirting can sometimes toe the line between emotional connection and emotional engagement as well, which is when Professor Terri Orbuch, PhD, says flirting can turn into cheating.
You think about this person when you’re with your partner
If you’re laying in bed at night with your partner and your mind keeps going back to that person at work you keep flirting with, you’re likely emotionally cheating. That person may not physically be between you and your partner, but with them occupying your mind, they are emotionally between the two of you.
You don’t want to tell your partner about the person you’re flirting with
If you’re skipping out on work functions you’re supposed to bring your spouse to just because you don’t want your spouse to meet the new person at work you’re flirting with and maybe crushing on, you’ve crossed a line. You hiding this person from your partner means that, somewhere in you, you feel like you’ve done something wrong and have something to hide.
Is Flirting Cheating? Three Times When It’s Not
Your partner knows the person you’re flirting with and that you flirt with them
Many people engage in harmless flirting and many people know that their partners do too. If you’re flirting with someone long term, like someone you see at an office every day, open the conversation up to your partner about how they feel about it. A knee-jerk reaction to flirting might be to hide it from a partner, but that sets a bad precedent.
The connection between you and the person you’re flirting with isn’t deep
Getting emotional fulfillment from flirting is cheating, but engaging in some teasing and light conversations isn’t. Passing comments (as long as all parties are comfortable with them) is harmless and so is just enjoying having someone around to joke and laugh with. The issue lies in when those conversations get heavier and more emotional, and you start to open a door for a deeper connection.
The object of your flirtations knows there are boundaries
If you’re flirting with someone, just like your partner knows that you’re flirting, the person you’re flirting with needs to know you have a partner. If not, they may think you’re leaving a door open to one day become more emotional or even physical with them. Be certain that who you are flirting with knows that there are boundaries that cannot be crossed.
What to Do When You Think You Emotionally Cheated
According to psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., the first step is admitting to yourself that you are emotionally cheating, but the second step is analyzing why. Imagine if the flirtation continued and imagine if no boundaries were in place. What would happen? Would you want what would happen to happen? Is it even possible to pursue a relationship with this person, and would it be worth it to sacrifice your current relationship to try?
What to Do When You Think Your Partner Emotionally Cheated
It’s difficult to know when a partner is emotionally cheating and the ways in which you may be able to “uncover” if they are would be breaches in trust and privacy. The first step when you think your partner has emotionally cheated should never be “snooping around,” according to relationship counselor Denise Knowles.
“If you are snooping I would think ‘hang on is there something else going on?’ A lack of communication? Are you spending time apart? What can’t you talk to your partner about that is leading you to look at their phone?” she says.
If you feel that your partner may be emotionally cheating, don’t confront them with accusations, but instead with curiosity. Flirting can become cheating without someone really being fully aware of it and they may never have intended for their actions to harm you.
HT: Zoosk