You can change him. You KNOW you can... he just needs some time...
But what if he won't change?
You've been in a relationship with someone for a hot minute now, but, for whatever reason, you're seeing some signs which make you feel he may not give up his partying ways. Your intuition may be right... and, as someone who let his lifestyle and 'ways' get in the 'way' of some past relationships, I wanted to share these 14 SIGNS HIS PARTYING WAYS WON'T END with you...
... because after reading them all, I can say they're pretty much right on.
Let's take a look...
14. Won’t Quit His Partying Friends
Quitting a bad habit doesn’t always mean you have to quit hanging out with the same friends, so long as those friends are supportive and encouraging about your making better choices. If your boyfriend is always hanging around with people who party, he’s going to have a hard time resisting the temptation to join them. Even if their meet ups are innocent at first, soon the allure of everything he loved about the partying scene could become too tempting, causing your boyfriend to go back to his partying ways.
13. Partying On The Brain
Does it seem like all he ever thinks about is partying? Whether it’s where to go, where to avoid, who has the best deals on drinks, who’s got the worst D.J., if he’s constantly talking about partying, especially if he’s doing so with a great sense of longing, there’s a good chance he’s struggling with not partying anymore or he’s not happy with how often he’s going out. This can especially be true if your boyfriend is feeling down. As social psychologist Clay Routledge told ScienceFriday.com, people with low self-esteem can become nostalgic about events or places that made them feel happy.
12. Increased Drinking
Unwinding with a drink after a long day or having a couple of beers at the bar when going out with friends isn’t usually a problem, but if you notice he’s been drinking more heavily, is drinking earlier in the day, or hiding his drinking habits, there may be a problem. While a drinking problem isn’t specific to partying, there’s a chance your partner may look forward to partying because he feels it’s a time he can unwind and have a few drinks without feeling guilty.
11. Taking Drugs
Drug abuse is never a good sign. Like drinking, a drug habit (no matter how small) isn’t specific to partying, but it can be a side effect of prioritizing partying over day to day responsibilities. The National Institute on Drug Abuse notes that “club drugs” like GHB, LSD, MDMA, Ketamine and Methamphetamine are popular among drug users in clubbing scenarios. While the NIDA notes that teens are often drawn to these drugs, the 21 + crowd doesn’t shy away from them either.
10. Unenthusiastic About New Things
A less obvious clue that he may be too attached to his partying ways is a lack of enthusiasm. While it isn’t always hard to tell when someone is depressed due to their lack of interest, it isn’t always clear as to why he may be depressed. If he’s having wistful thoughts about his partying days, perhaps when he had fewer responsibilities or felt more “free”, it may make him feel like other activities just aren’t worth trying because he fears they won’t be as rewarding or fun. When the only thing that sounds fun or exciting is the idea of going out to party, you know something is making him feel like partying should be a priority.
9. Always Goes To Newest Party Spots
Whether it’s a new club, a refurbished hangout, or a special event, he practically jumps at the opportunity to check out the latest hot spot for partying as soon as he learns about it. Showing enthusiasm for something new is fine, but when he’s only excited because he gets to check out a club, go drinking, or otherwise party, it’s a problem. He may have promised you that he wouldn’t go out to the newest club when you were out with your girlfriends, but then went anyway and came up with an excuse.
8. Hookups And Random Phone Calls
Having trust in a relationship is crucial to a happy, healthy relationship. If you notice that your boyfriend is getting a large amount of text messages or phone calls from random numbers, that’s something to take note of. If you notice something seems off but he won’t talk about it or makes excuses and accusatory, it’s likely he’s hiding something from you. Even worse, if you have evidence he’s been cheating or someone tells you they saw him partying with someone in a way that was far more than friendly, he may be letting his partying get in the way of his priorities.
7. Makes Excuses Not To Hang Out
Alone time is important in a relationship. Having time apart gives you each time to explore your individual interests and spend one-on-one time with friends. The time you spend apart should help you enjoy the time you spend together more. While it’s normal for plans to fall apart sometimes, if your boyfriend is consistently making excuses not to hang out with you, you need to find out why. Try talking to him about what may be going on and how he’s feeling.
6. Too Many “Boys Nights”
Boys’ nights let him unwind with his best buddies, but if his “boys nights” are an excuse for him to go partying, something needs to change. Whether he’s planned to avoid going to the club all together or he’s just trying to limit how often he goes out, if his friends are all about partying and they hang out with your boyfriend often, they may influence him to go back to partying even if it’s unintentional. He knows they go out to the clubs still and likely wants to relive the fun they had together, so he suggests they all go out, insisting you won’t mind.
5. Stamps On His Hands
When you went to bed, your partner was home, settling in to binge watch his favorite series on TV, but when you get up for the day, you notice he’s got something different—stamps on his hands from the club, or a wristband. You question him about when he could have gone out and he tries to make excuses to try and downplay your questions or concerns.
4. Bored With Date Night In
You used to look forward to spending a night in with your boyfriend—all you needed was a takeout menu, some cash to tip the delivery guy, a good movie, some drinks, and your favorite comfy clothes to settle in for a relaxing evening in. You both enjoyed the convenience of not having to cook and being able to spend time together without sacrificing too much sleep. Now, he isn’t as interested. When you bring up having a date night in (or you attempt to have one), he’s clearly bored with the idea and just wants to go out to do something. Staying in has lost it’s appeal even if it’s with you.
3. He Meets Up With Friends At The Club
Your boyfriend promised you he didn’t go to or even care about the latest event at his old clubbing spot, yet when you go to a party together, people come up to him and ask him how the event went. He may try to brush it off or feign surprise in front of you, but you know your friends wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t have good reason. When other friends come up to the two of you and ask why you weren’t with him that night, and proceed to show you pictures of them together at the club, you know he’s not being honest about his partying habits.
2. Not At Work
It should be a normal workday, but your boyfriend isn't there. You may have called around lunch time to see if he wanted to do something with friends later that night, but were told he was out for the day or perhaps his boss called asking if you knew why he wasn’t in. You know something is up but when you confront your boyfriend about why he bailed on work, he doesn’t have any good reasons. When you ask if he’s been skipping work more than this one time, he gets defensive and accuses you of invading his privacy.
1. Calls From Strange Places
One of the scariest signs that he’s not ready to give up partying is getting phone call from him asking for a ride when he’s in a strange place, or worse, he needs you to bail him out of jail for doing something while partying. Whether he just got too drunk and wandered off only to discover he’d gone too far to pay for a cab fare home, or he got into a fight and wound up in the local police department, this is a sure sign that his partying has got out of hand. Having fun is fine, but not when it risks his safety.