Modesty ponchos are the greatest thing invented for every father with a daughter

You’ve heard it said that necessity is the mother of invention. That’s often true in life. Apparently, it’s now also true at the high school prom.

The challenge is the plunging neckline and rising hemline of the modern female prom dress. You know, the bane of existence for caring fathers of teenage girls across the nation.

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Now, let’s not kid ourselves, testing the limits of a school’s guidelines regarding prom attire is pretty much as old as prom itself. Teenagers take to prom-night restrictions like bootleggers to Prohibition. And let’s get real, it’s usually females violating the dress code, because there’s just not much creative rule-breaking guys can do with a tux. The prom dress, however, offers plenty of ways to “skirt” the rules.

It often boils down to something I’m not even sure you’re allowed to say anymore… cleavage. There, I said it. The issue is cleavage. And dress length.

Indeed, modern prom is a minefield for schools. On prom night, administrators and teachers are just one tweet away from a discrimination lawsuit and a segment on The View.

“Just the name itself — modesty poncho — sucks every ounce of romance out of any slow dance.”

But now, one enterprising Catholic school in Michigan has invented a way to combat too much prom cleavage. They call it the “modesty poncho.” I mean, just the name itself — modesty poncho — sucks every ounce of romance out of any slow dance. It’s brilliant.

Students arrived at school yesterday to find examples of these modesty ponchos on display with a note explaining the prom dress hack. It reads, “If your dress does not meet our formal dance dress requirements — no problem! We’ve got you covered — literally. This is our Modesty Poncho, which you’ll be given at the door.”

The modesty ponchos are available in different colors and stylish prints. It fits over your head and drapes over your shoulders like a more streamlined shawl. They’re sure to be all the rage — at least with dads buying them for their daughters.

“You can’t invent something as fantastic as the modesty poncho and not use it.”

Naturally, students immediately began posting on social media about the cruel modesty ponchos, and how they are certainly designed to “shame” females for how they dress.

Because of the student whining and media coverage, the school is already backtracking, suggesting the modesty ponchos on display are intended more as a lighthearted deterrent. But the school should stick to their guns on this one. You can’t invent something as fantastic as the modesty poncho and not use it.

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Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck

Known for his quick wit, candid opinions and engaging personality, Glenn Beck has attracted millions of viewers and listeners throughout the United States with The Glenn Beck Program. His radio show is now heard on over 400 stations and is... Read more


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