Should You Stay Friends With an Ex? Here's What Experts Say

The DECADES old question of whether you should stay friend's wth an X is still in argument. I think you can't stay friends with an X. It's too hard to see someone you loved love someone else. Even if you initiated the breakup, in my opinion. 

However, Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible, says there are couples for whom it works; ultimately, she says, it’s “an individual determination.” Sussman and I agree, if you are to stay with an X their needs to be guidelines and barriers that are not crossed.


Abusive or Manipulitive X's are a no go Sussman says. There is still some things to be weary of if that was not an issue in your relationship. One 2000 study, for example, found that friendships between exes were more likely to have negative qualities, and less likely to have positive ones.

Also, if you had a very intimate relationship wiht X you can't go form kanoodling to being book buddies. It just doesn't work like that and Sussman agrees. . 

There's all kinds of other factors to take in to account as well. How awkward would it be to tell your new boo that you're best friend's with your X? They'd be like


Sussman says exes who have kids together should stay cool with each other because they are going to be around for life pretty much, assuming they love their kids. The lines are murkier for couples without children, but Sussman says essentially that couples that only dated for a short period of time, were friendsfirst, or dated when they were young, are good candidates for friendship.

So here are the rules to stand by in my opinion. If you're relationship was hot and heavy for a long period of time, it's probably not a good idea to stay friends. If you're relationship was short and sweet, continue the good memories!



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